I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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