My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
