I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
