im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
