he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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