i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
