Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i will never coherently bang her
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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