Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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