So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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