I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
