wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize