He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize