Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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