i just wanna soil my oats bro
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
