I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
