You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
