just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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