I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
