if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
