How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
