Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
nutella sex= disaster
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
