ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
even my farts smell like vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
