Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
