I want to stick my p in your. b.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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