hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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