My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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