is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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