so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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