Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
