I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
