i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
