I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
