Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
