I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
