Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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