I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
