somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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