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Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
