you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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