Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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