Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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