The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
