my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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