i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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