you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
