i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
