I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize