literally had 100 drinks last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
