I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize