They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
