guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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