its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
