I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
