he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
