smell my finger.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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