we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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