thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
