it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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