Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love you. Go after that dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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