someone threw a dead crab at me
I think my fart just growled at me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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