I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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