She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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