all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
