the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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