she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
