She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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