just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
