Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
