at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
