Your face is a jimmy john
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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