Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
