Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
