I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
