just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
