My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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