I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
