I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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