Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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