I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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